Here goes nothing.

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Follow up

So remember that 20 seconds of insane courage, well nothing happened. It’s been 3 weeks and I have not heard a thing. Maybe I wasn’t good enough or not the right fit. Whatever the reason is, I will say it would be nice to know. Not that I plan on changing immediately but at least I would know. Now all I’m left with is uncertainty. I continue to rack up support from my friends, and they tell me that”I’m too good; and let me say I do appreciate the encouragement. When I have to come to the realization that I knew and know nothing about this person. I have no idea what is going on in their mind and the more time that I send trying to think that I do leaves me spinning. I did what I did and that’s it. I’ll take it for what it is, and nothing more. I will not read into things. I will not over compensate. I will just online to be me. Flawed and okay with that.

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20 seconds of insane courage.

So a friend told me that it only takes 20 seconds of insane courage to change your life. What she forgot to also mention the time that follows can be insane torture. I completely stepped out of my comfort zone this week and did something I thought that I would never to. Even though on the outside I looked like I had it all together, or at least i hope it did, I completely felt like I was dying inside. You know the feeling….the heart pounding so hard in your chest you can feel it in your throat.
Now, I have to sit and wait. Sit and wait to see what the out come of the “20 seconds of insane courage” brings. All I can do is breathe and wait. The metaphoric saying… The ball is in their corner now, brings no relief to the amount of anxiety I feel. And to top it of it’s only been about 48 hours I hate to see what my mental state may be in about a week.
At the end of the day I can say, I did something that I never thought I would do. One thing to scratch of the ole bucket list. Or maybe I’ll make one at put that task on it.